Smart ladies love dumb TV, WWRLD…THE LAST THREE EPISODES!

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So this post has taken me a VERY long time to write because E! decided to burn off the last two episodes last Monday. So finally here is our LAST WWRLD recap…

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What would Ryan Lochte do…when family gets involved? Ryan and the family do a photo shot for E!. Ryan also goes paint balling with the Lochterage and breaks up with Jaimee.

I took the time to research the Lochtes when I saw this episode because I was curious about the youngest brother (he is the youngest and I think he might be away at school) and the Dad. Turns out that Ryan’s parents are divorced and that his father was a swim coach in Daytona but was let go when he got a DUI.

What would Ryan Lochte do…for his brother? Ryan won’t move to LA until Devin is out of college.

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What would Ryan Lochte do…on spring break? Ryan will get very drunk and hang out with lots of girls and the Lochterage in Miami on spring break.

Aren’t you glad all of those questions were answered for you!

Number of dumb things Ryan and/or Gene said or did this week: 22, that seems awfully low I think I missed some because I was doing three episodes at once.

  • Bets his friend $1000 to eat 50 wings in 30 minutes. Friend wins!

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  • Jumps off the 10 meter high dive, kind of gets scared by the height, “shit…this is high” then shrugs his shoulders and jumps.
  • Ryan doesn’t pay any attention to the paintball rules.
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A confused Ryan after the paintball demo.

  • They split into two teams, Team Gene and Team Ryan, whomever loses gets shot in the ass. Gene WINS!
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Ryan shows the Lochterage his ass welt.

  • Ever classy E! plays porn music while Devin gives the dogs Milly and Carter baths.
  • “It’s so funny to watch my family ‘skirm.’ Skirm? Squirm, did I say ‘skirm’?

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  • Gene orders “miso horny” from the waitress at the sushi place and I HOPE this is on the menu and he isn’t sexually harassing the waitress (Gene, you have a girlfriend).
  • Because he has been so busy, he tells the producers that he is “so fucked for the World Championships!” Michael Phelps is somewhere in Maryland laughing hysterically (you know Phelps watches this show with GLEE and SCORN).
  • Ryan doesn’t remember ‘demolition derby’ instead he starts with ‘construction derby’ and ends up with ‘destruction derby’.

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  • Ryan OR more likely the E! producers make poor Chantae come to his house for their date while his entire family is there, it is AWKWARD. 

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  • Ryan can’t remember if his sister ‘drilled’ or ‘grilled’ Chantae.
  • Ryan can’t float.
  • We find out that Chantae wants to be a ‘stay at home mom’ after ‘track & field,’ this is SO a producer fed question to get a good reaction out of Ryan and it is so AWKWARD.
  • Ryan says that his family finding out about him moving to LA was like WW4, I wish the producers had asked him when WW3 was.
  • Devin, who quit swimming three years and one drug charge ago has decided to try swimming again. Ryan tries to train him. He tells Devin that he has a tire around his stomach that needs to be deflated.
  • Devin makes fun of the Lochterage for playing cards in a cigar shop.

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  • Ryan ruined Gene’s phone by pulling him into the pool, Ryan is dubious that the rice will fix his phone.

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  • “Sexy women everywheres!”

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  • Gene is so sad about his phone because he needs to talk to his girlfriend.

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  • First Ryan can’t remember the word “jeweler,” then Gene and Ryan keep referring to engagement rings as wedding rings. 

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  • Rick (wing guy) from the Lochterage fell asleep at the first club on night one. Poor Rick.

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  •  Ryan forgets who Jessica is at the WWRLD wrap party.
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Here Ryan, this is Jessica.

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OHHHHHHHHH!

Number of catchphrases and/or words of wisdom from Ryan Lochte and/or Gene: 7

  • The Lochterage has a paintball showdown, “The Lochterage knows to keep Ryan playing hard, helps Ryan compete hard.”

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  • “If I’m groomed and trying to look fresh my dog needs to look fresh too.”

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  • Feels that he should have been naked in the ‘Nevermind’ photo shoot, like the baby in the original Nirvana cover, “I have nothing to hide!”
  • Takes the boys to the Wing House AGAIN, “the Lochterage doesn’t do fancy dancy food places, it’s just how we are.”
  • When the Lochterage goes on vacation they live it up with a Bungalow suite and private pool.
  • “It was a Lochte feeding frenzy and I was the bait”

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  • The Lochterage goes to do a jetpack/rocketman experience thing in water, they make poor Rick go first apparently he always has to go first.

Number of times I find him endearing: 10

  • Ryan’s mother comes over to the boys condo and cleans out the fridge while everyone hangs out.

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  • Ryan takes Devin to the mall to buy him clothes for the photo-shoot. Devin worries that skinny jeans will hurt his junk.
  • Ryan with his family at the photo shoot is adorable.
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Lochte Christmas photo…OH DEVIN! I also think this is staged by E! cause the sisters husbands are in it but NOT the youngest son and Ike would never allow that.

  • Ryan uses ‘literally’ in a sentence correctly! We are all so proud. He got  into swimming by literally falling into it AKA he fell into a pool and instead of freaking out he swam.
  • Ryan and the fam go roller skating, it’s ADORABLE.

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  • The family is VERY upset about Jaimee.

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  • Mama Lochte is terribly upset about Ryan possibly moving to LA.

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  • Ryan is ADORABLE with his nephews and niece.

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  • Working out on spring break @ 8 am after drinking the night before. I don’t just find this endearing but AMAZING!
  • We leave WWRLD with Ryan’s family at a cupcake bakery! They of course have a food fight.

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Number of times E!, and by virtue the audience, objectifies Ryan Lochte: 10, but a LOT more time was spent lingering on his abs,because he did several photo shoots AND went to Miami.

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Number of ladies he talks to (AKA tries to pick up): TONS he goes to Miami and there are so many ladies.

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Number of dates: 2, one with Chantae and one with a girl named Jessica in Miami.

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Ryan refers to Jessica as “smokin”!

  • He does take the boys to the sushi restaurant that he takes all his dates to, Ryan LOVES the Lochterage!
  • Showing improvement he takes Chantae to a Japanese steak house instead of the sushi restaurant.

Number of times he talks about “fashion”: 4

Number of times he said “Jeah”: 12

The last three trivia question are…

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HE LOST HIS GRILLZ?!? Oh Ryan!

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