Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor episode 4

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We are informed at the beginning of Saturday night’s episode that this will be on two days a week now. Yay? I will have Sunday’s episode reviewed by Monday–there’s just too much to fit into one post.

The guest judge in Liverpool is Geri Halliwell, who has some kind of history with Gary that Mel B doesn’t–there’s a kind of tension in the air. Sometimes they are sitting next to each other on panel, other times they are not. Maybe they had a huge fight? Onto the “talent”!

Times Red is a band comprised of three dudes: one who sings lead and plays guitar on “Rehab,” one who beatboxes and raps, and a third who contributes runs while the other guy is beatboxing. I think they should change their name to Deep Vs: is that still a thing in England? Why are they so far behind us on fashion–they have so many good designers.

Now for a teen montage with “That’s What Makes You Beautiful” playing in the background. Here are my notes on these kids.

Meg O’Neill is good belter but she needs to lose the stupid fucking straw hat.

Tasha, 17, sings to horses, likes mullet skirts, crop tops & Bon Iver.

Kian, 17, butcher’s boy (is this a job in the US?), oversinging white soul guy, familiar to us American Idol audiences.

Melanie, 18, is also included in this montage but you can tell she’s going to get a full audition, unlike the others. Tulisa says, “Hello Melanie!” and proceeds to tell a story about Melanie auditioning last year and how she got to Miami. Melanie promises to do better this year, but she’s kind of flat and has long bottom lashes with mascara that freaks me out & makes me think of clowns. She’s also a bit pageant-y and reminds me of teen Idol singers I hated.

Jason loves “Tulisha,” which was trending on Twitter last night. “Close to You” by The Carpenters is playing in the background when he’s talking about Tulisa. He has a generic pretty voice with pronunciation problems. Everyone loves it, of course, because it doesn’t seem like he could sing.

Then there’s the best montage of the night: nervous people who cry. All of them seem generally affable and there are no blow ups because they don’t ask for a second audition. This was so surprising to me that it was also notable.

Christopher Maloney is 34, and sadly does not spell his last name “Meloni” like I had originally thought in my head. He could also be a part of the nervous montage: took 5 years to build up courage to apply and he is physically very shaky. He is going to be the exception to the rule about nervous singers–don’t you know how these things go by now? Christopher has a powerful soulful voice. He will be a great asset to the overs category–there are fewer freaks this year already!

Other favorite bits:
* Here is Geri & Gary fighting. I think Geri should be kinder towards the singing in Take That, as I’m pretty sure any of them can outsing Victoria Beckham. I did think it was funny that she liked the groups that kissed her ass (lots of “girl power!”) and Gary didn’t.

* I loved the little comedy clips with the judges: Louis asking who Geri is; Mel B saying Geri is “a bit nuts.”

I will be back Monday evening to discuss Sunday’s episode!

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