Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK live show 1

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Kingsland road

The live shows for X Factor UK began this weekend! The performances ranged from astonishing (Rough Copy) to middle of the road (Abi Alton) to my ears! they are bleeding! (Sam Callahan).

To the surprise of no one, two of the overs, Shelley and Lorna, were in the bottom two this week. Due to Shelley actually having a personality where Lorna has a empty hole that she stuffs Whitney Houston songs in, Lorna was sent home.

*If you are new to my “recaps,” you’ll notice that I don’t critique each performance because everyone does that and probably better than me. I like the spectacle of it all and the clothes.

Strange new show policy

X Factor 01 Flash Vote

At least they played Queen’s Flash Gordon song a bunch of times! I love British people.

OBSESSED

X Factor 01 Tamera 03

Tamera Foster’s jacket. I LOVED the lips on the sleeve.

X Factor 01 Tamera jacket

Most awkward model

Abi Alton also belongs in another category: most in need of bangs. I’m suddenly shipping her and Sam Callahan. What a cute couple, right? They can thank me at their wedding.

X Factor 01 Abi 01

X Factor 01 Abi 02

X Factor 01 Abi 03

I’m getting a little tired of her “slowed down piano-based versions of the hits” schtick but she really does has such a pretty voice.

Best makeover

Sam Bailey, of course.

Sam the corrections officer before.

Sam the corrections officer before.

Va va va vooooom!

Va va va vooooom!

Here is where we learn Sam calls her boobs The Mitchells.

I would ask Caroline Flack for her dress but it is eight sizes too small.

I would ask Caroline Flack for her Marc Jacobs dress when she’s done with it but it is eight sizes too small.

Oh Dermot

I think this should be a regular category every week.

I think Sharon and Gary noticed his pants were too tight. I think they looked fine. ;)

I think Sharon and Gary noticed his pants were too tight. I think they looked fine. 😉

What is in Dermot's mouth? And why is he intently watching one of Gary's groups? Are they BFFs?

What is in Dermot’s mouth? An e-cig? And why is he intently watching one of Gary’s groups? Are they BFFs?

Dermot and a HUGE Gary Barlow from the 80s.

Dermot and a HUGE Gary Barlow from the 80s.

Nicole enjoys her girls

She's all "singggg itttt guuuurrrrllll" during Hannah.

She’s all “singggg itttt guuuurrrrllll” during Hannah.

Loving on Tamera.

Loving on Tamera.

Worst harmony

X Factor 01 Miss Dynamix 01

Was Miss Dynamix even singing the same song? I hope they learn to work three distinct voices into one group.

Best humanitarian

Sam Callahan raised some money for a cancer charity by doing some things like:

Eating a pizza some people might think as large but I think is just the right size.

Eating a pizza some people might think as large but I think is just the right size.

Posing naked in front of a body of water.

Posing naked in front of a body of water.

Wearing a scarf around his neck.

Wearing a scarf & a funny hat.

Kingsland Road are dreamy

I do this for you all.

Jay met Kelly O!!! I love huh.

Jay met Kelly O!!! I love huh.

X Factor 01 Kingsland Road 08

Posin'.

Posin’.

Moar suspenders plz, men of the world.

Moar suspenders plz, men of the world.

NO ONE can remember all their names. I will learn them, dear readers. Give me time.

NO ONE can remember all their names. I will learn them, dear readers. Give me time.

I love how happy poofy hair guy is!!

I love how happy poofy hair guy is!!

"I'm Your Man."

“I’m Your Man.”

Sharon said that the second one from the left looks like Leonardo DiCaprio. I am really wondering how she gets that at all.

Sharon said that the second one from the left looks like Leonardo DiCaprio.

Nicholas McDonald’s faces when he learns he is doing a Spandau Ballet song

He has never heard of them, he called them Spandex Ballet.

X Factor 01 Nicholas 01

X Factor 01 Nicholas 02

X Factor 01 Nicholas 03

X Factor 01 Nicholas 04

My favorite part was when he Skyped his mom and told her what he was doing this week and she started singing to him.

Worst skirt

X Factor 01 Hannah 02

Hannah was wearing something that resembled plastic sheeting.

Weird British thing I didn’t understand

X Factor 01 Dermot some guy

Who this guy was. He loved Kingsland Road though!

Best entrance

X Factor 01 Judges

The judges got fire that formed an X!!

Favorite performances

Rough Copy managed to make a Phil Collins song sound kind of contemporary.

And Kingsland Road had the balls to do Wham! and totally pull it off.

All screencaps by me. They should look better this year due to a far higher quality download. Tamera’s jacket photo from X Factor Style, everything else from Kingsland Rd.

One Comment

  1. OH! I know that guy! He is beloved British Comedian James Cordon who was on “Gavin & Stacy” (fun fact or kind of sad fact the British remake of this which was a mid-season comedy on fox but was recently cancelled even though it hasn’t even aired yet it starred Alexis Bledel and Jason Ritter), a couple episodes of “Doctor Who” (the ones with Matt Smith as the doctor), the 2002 Mike Leigh movie “All or Nothing” (you know how much I love Mike Leigh) and a bunch of other British comedy things (though the Mike Leigh movie was a drama as he played an overweight teenager who is bullied so much he has a heart attack). Sorry if this comment was long but I was excited because I knew something regarding X Factor UK which is shocking since I didn’t even know who Gary Barlow was until we started the blog.

    xoxo,
    Katie

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