Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK live show seven

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Nicole throwing

This week the gang celebrated the tenth anniversary of…themselves! Shocking, right, that these people are a bunch of self-reverential celebrity assholes?

Because voting on these shows never makes sense, the bottom two was Rough Copy, who were fantastic and should not have been in the bottom, and Hannah, who bored the world with yet another version of THAT Leonard Cohen song (sadly, not “Bird on a Wire”) on Saturday. Because there’s no way anyone wants Gary’s last artist to go home, they sent Hannah packing instead. Sigh.

Fix Factor!

I was reading the comments of the X Factor facebook page and so many people are calling for Tamera to be sent home.

X Factor 7 Tamera Foster 1

To me, it seemed pretty obvious that Tamera would be heading home, so I was surprised that I was wrong. She flubbed her lines three times and she had the least-desired  mentor, someone she said her grandmother voted for, Olly Murs. She sang “Impossible,” and while it would make sense to have the person who sang the song on X Factor, James Arthur, to mentor her, like many other contestants had, she got Olly Murs, who no one was excited to see due to his constant presence on the show and Xtra Factor. I think he seems nice and I don’t get tired of him but I am American and he’s never on MY TV.

X Factor 7 Tamera Foster 2

Another good week for the editors, there were four Tamera’s practicing “Impossible”! Maybe if there were five she wouldn’t have forgotten any lyrics.

X Factor 7 Tamera Foster 3

She looked nice though! I love her bob, it’s more modern than that long nasty blonde hair she had for a few weeks.

Mentor shock

Let’s enjoy how excited people were to meet this week’s mentors.

X Factor 7 Hannah Barrett

Nicole mentioned casually that Hannah would be meeting Alexandra Burke. I love how pleased Nicole looks and how stunned Hannah is.

X Factor 7 Hannah Barrett 2

And then she met her and freaked the fuck out.

X Factor 7 Hannah Barrett 3

Alexandra gave her some good tips for singing “Hallalujah,” which needs to be banned from these shows NOW. Anyway, these two were adorable.

X Factor 7 Sam Bailey Leona Lewis

Leona Lewis snuck up on Sam, who sang her “Bleeding Love.” I liked that Sam admitted she didn’t know how to make a song her own.

X Factor 07 Sam Bailey Leona Lewis 01

Leona’s advice was “make it your own, switch some things up” which is not helpful at all. Leona came off as a bitch.

X Factor 7 Leona Lewis

I really like her glasses though. Not many people cannot be improved, physically, by glasses.

X Factor 7 Nicholas McDonald McElderry 1

Nicholas met with Joe McElderry, who had a moment with “The Climb” in 2009. Joe won that year but let’s compare his record sales to Olly Murs, who came in second:

X Factor 7 Luke Friend 2

Luke got to talk to Shane Ward, Louis’ only winning contestant (Jedward, you won in MY HEARTS). They are really pushing this “Luke as dark horse” storyline but when the numbers come out I’ll bet he was close to winning most weeks (except last week, which I told you, was the result of a pretty girl).

X Factor 7 Rough Copy 2

Rough Copy, who did “” which Little Mix rocked two years ago, got to sing it for the girls. This meetup did not feel as exciting as the other ones because the girls just won and don’t seem far removed from the show just yet.

X Factor 7 Rough Copy 1

The seven of them had a nice, relaxed chemistry, and talked about the song for a little while. Jesy offered some good pointers, while the other girls looked hungover. I wish her hair wasn’t so gigantic.

Happy Birthday Nicky!

X Factor 7 Nicholas McDonald birthday cake 1

I thought this was a diorama made by children when Dermot brought it out but apparently it’s a cake.

X Factor 7 Nicholas McDonald birthday cake 2

I think the stage part is cake? If so that’s a single serving and I could eat it in two minutes.

X Factor 7 Nicholas McDonald birthday cake 3

This looks nothing like Nicholas, the pants are not tight enough.

X Factor 7 Nicholas McDonald birthday cake 4

The judges are fairly accurate. Dermot said Gary looks like a hobo.

Nicole is shamazing

Nicole heart

Her reaction to Nicholas’ performance.

X Factor 7 Nicole 3

She was explaining to the other judges about all the snot she has from crying during Hannah’s performance.

X Factor 07 Nicole 01

Nicole gets confused by those party poppers in a really cute way.

CELEBRITIES!

For the tenth anniversary, you would expect a lot of former artists and celebrities at the show. You would be wrong. There seemed to be a lot of joke acts there.

X Factor 7 Rylan 1

RYLAN I MISS YOU SO MUCH COME BACK TO US.

X Factor 7 Harry Hills 1

I had to look up Harry Hill, who I thought was a comedian by his demeanor and I was totally right. He also teased Dermot that his next show was going to be called I Can’t Sing! The X Factor Musical, which I thought was a joke but apparently it is not. It is opening in the West End in March. I am going to the UK in the summer, I will pray every day that this is still playing. British people are so confusing.

X Factor 7 Rylan 2

Backstage, Caroline Flack talked to Rylan.

Behind him, that head looks so familiar…

X Factor 7 Rylan Two Shoes

TWO SHOES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Contestants this season were definitely lacking the fun these Essex ladies brought to the show.

Favorite Performance

Song choice, always.

I reread my ranking post and I am embarrassed that I had Luke at the bottom, since he and Rough Copy have turned out to be my favorites.

 All screencaps by me. Gifs from my fave Nicole tumblr freakyscherzinger.

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