Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK live show six

| 2 Comments

It finally happened. One of the boybands, District 3, has been taken from us. I can’t say that I’m sad, because people other than Ella, James and Rylan (my, how everyone has come around on him!) are going home.

Saturday’s episode was actually pretty entertaining, and even included a performance by X Factor UK heroes One Direction, who probably couldn’t fit a Sunday appearance into their schedule. There’s really not enough people left to give my weekly awards to so I’ll do a more “traditional” listy recap.

Rylan-ography

Let’s face it, Rylan is the only one that matters. For this week’s Best of Britain theme, Rylan felt there was only one band he could cover: The Spice Girls, who he has loved since he was “a girl of six.”
Seriously. Here is some of his Spice Girls collection.

Geri Halliwell scared the crap out of him while he was rehearsing.

Then they were BFFs.

His performance began with him jumping out of a plane while wearing a Union Jack blazer.

Then he gave an amazing performance.

Nicole and Tulisa were super into it.

Gary called the performance outstanding and the girls were really excited.

Then he said Rylan’s singing was awful. The world wept.

Tears of Nicole

District 3 made what I think is a poor song choice (& led to their elimination) and did Eric Clapton’s depressing song about the death of his son, “Tears in Heaven.” Their harmonies were really good though.

But Nicole was moved to tears and happen to dab her eyes just as the camera panned to her.

WTF, GARY

Apparently Christopher has been having some trouble in the tabs.

The UK tabs are horrible. This guy is so sweet and so obviously hurt by what people say about him.

Gary actually gave Christopher some good criticism in the segment about his vocals. It might have been some of the best advice anyone’s given all season.

But then we learn he’s singing Elton John’s “I’m Still Standing,” whose video looks like this:

And the actual performance involves dancing human bowling pins.

It makes me think Christopher wants to quit the show when he allows shit like this.

My little muffin

I was so into the cute relationship between Ella and Tulisa this week. Ella is all she has left!

The best part, however, was when Ella met Kim and Kourney Kardashian, who they said they were “team Ella” because she’s the only girl left and “girl power!” Once my eyes stopped rolling into the back of my head I realized the Kardashians don’t watch British reality singing competition shows and that someone told them to say that. Then I got pissy.

Ella did a Tinie Tempah song and it’s best we don’t mention it again, mmmkay?

I could write a post about how much I hate this song

This week, Union J dedicated their performance to the troops and each one talked about their family members who have served in the military. Except JJ, as he is the kind of boy who has a job as a jockey, he is probably also the kind of boy whose family is exempt from service.

They do the worst song in the history of music, Coldplay’s “Fix You,” which Gary calls one of his favorite songs. It is a decent performance.

Emo James

This week we get a flashback to James and his sisters. Not surprisingly, it looks like James went through an emo phase at some point in his life.

Then his sister showed up and he acted shocked. Don’t the families regularly go to the live shows? I am very confused.

The part where I fell asleep

I like Jahmene, I really do, but this shit with his low self esteem and nervousness as a storyline is really getting old. This time Jennifer Hudson called him to tell him how much she loved him! EVERYONE LOVES JAHMENE.

He did a song that I didn’t know (Robbie Williams’ “Angels”) that apparently everyone in the UK is tired of hearing but due to Jahmene’s enormous talent, they’re hearing it for the first time. BLAH BLAH. This kid will probably beat Ella and I will cry.

Best Performance

Song selection was essential this week so I have to pick Rylan.

What you really came here for!

My One Direction commentary on their new song about loving you even though you’re fat!

Zayn, who notorious stalked Rebecca Ferguson until she dated him, is my least favorite member of 1D. I know he’s with Perrie now but after this season of X Factor is over, watch him try to date Ella. He’s no good, girl.


I liked Louis’ sweater.

When Simon first started One Direction, he seemed to think all the girls would go crazy for Liam. It never really happened. He’s like the bands unsung hero. I enjoy his haircut, he’s reminding me of Christopher from Girls.

You know who is still holding on to the same ridiculous hairdo?

That’s right. Harry. This is like the kid version of Donald Trump’s comb-forward.

Here’s a picture of Harry looking dreamily at you to make up for my hatred of his hair:

Now here he is on screen with Niall:

And now Niall alone:

I’m calling it right now: when One Direction breaks up and the members go their separate ways (look, it even happened to my beloved Girls Aloud, who are back together!), Niall is going to release the best solo record. He has the best voice of the boys by far and there’s something interesting and non-boy band-y about it to help him sustain a Robbie Williams-esque career.

2 Comments

  1. Niall actually made a comment last week that One Direction plan to take a ten-year hiatus and then reunite (when they’ve inevitably spent all of their money on all of those ridiculous tattoos they’ve all been getting) a la Take That so the Robbie Williams comparison is bound to be spot on! Bless his precious blonde heart.

    Also, Rylan was one-upped for best blazer of the week by the guy in the sparkly green standing next to him.

Leave a Reply