Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK recap, arena rounds 1 & 2

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Cheryl 1 gif

Now that Candidly Nicole is over, I can get back to my favorite fall pastime- watching and recapping X Factor UK. This show brings me an insane amount of happiness, which I am now realizing could be because it reminds me of falling leaves, peppermint tea, apple desserts, and my large jacket collection.

So you know how I do–here is the best and worst of the first week of arena rounds!

Biggest Loss

Nicole Scherzinger no baby no

Nicole Scherzinger was a steaming pile of sassy and I will miss her attitude, strange clothes, catchphrases, and friendship with Gary Barlow.

Biggest Gain

Cheryl Cole gif 1

My queen, Cheryl Cole Fernandez-Versini has returned as a judge after a four year hiatus. She knows more about music than most talent show judges and she is usually pretty spot on in her critiques, especially when the other judges want to send someone through and she does not. She also happens to be the most beautiful girl in the world.

Worst Act to Move On

The Courtesans, of course. Eileen has so many fillers in her face that it doesn’t move and I don’t want to look at her. Neither does Cheryl, the only judge to not give this duo a “yes.”

Favorite Controversies

My absolute favorite is this Andrea Faustini fazool, who I think dresses like a child on purpose so people can be surprised when he belts out white guy soul music (note: he’s a classic oversinger and therefore not my favorite). Anyway, Andrea won an Italian singing competition already. People are upset about it.

There are a few other good ones: Overload saying they don’t need X Factor (like fuck you don’t), Jake Sims using racial slurs in a non-X Factor rap battle, Eileen from The Courtesans (shocking) did porn, Jasmin’s posh accent was FAKE (even I knew that), Kitten (good lord I hope she doesn’t move on) was a hooker and I’m sure there will be much more coming out as the season continues. YAY!

Most Heartbreaking

Cheryl being the only judge to vote through adorable Amy Connolley, who she previously took to judge’s houses a few years ago. I agree with everyone else that Amy only has a “nice” voice, but she is a million times better than the Courtesans.

Second Worst Act to Move On

I don’t normally disagree with Cheryl, but I don’t EVER want to see Rouge Kiss again. Or hear “Fancy,” but that’s for another post.

Favorite Performances

I think if Katie was watching this she would be equally obsessed with Kayleigh Manners, a sweet nervous girl with an amazing voice, who reminds me of MK from this year’s American Idol. Please kick more ass than MK! I wish she would have finished “Here Comes the Sun.” This is my favorite version.

You know I love a boyband. They’re usually in my top 2 or 3 during the performance rounds because they bring so much joy to the stage. Overload has good harmonies and more energy than any other contestants I have seen this season. This is their own song too!

Presumed Frontrunners

So far no one has blown me away during these arena rounds. I like surprises–“Superstitious” and slowed-down Whitney Houston songs are not surprising. However, there are a few folks pulling out front based on their voices and audience reactions:

Paul Akister seems nice enough and he should stop singing old soul songs so I can get behind him. I really like his voice and I hope someone finds something to do with him.

I want Lauren Platt to do something that wasn’t done by Sam Smith two months ago and was on all the blogs (also he changed the gender, which pisses me off).

I guess people like this James Graham guy too? Right now I find him positively snooze-worthy. Maybe it’s the Bonnie Raitt song. He said he’s doing the Adele version but I am not sure of the difference in reality singing competition world.

Worst Song Choice

I hope we have gotten “Fix You” out of the way for this season. Also, Jay James is very Adam Levine-y and could totally win this thing. His category, the overs, is notoriously the worst, but I think he will be the shining star.

See you next week! I promise this will now be a weekly post. 😉

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