Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK recap, arena rounds 3 & 4

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On this week’s X Factor, we got the final two arena rounds, as well as a few really standout performances. We also had to sit through Kitten/Scarlett Quinn imitating Christina Aguilera, so…

Favorite budding friendship

Cheryl & Mel B are just really effing adorable (even the contestants think so). Apparently the head honchos are pissed at how well they are getting along and want to cause some friction. These are two grown women who have a lot in common. Let them be friends, instead of the same tired sexist crap that you forced with your other female judges. For a start, producers, read this, listen to this or watch this. I am so disappointed that women fighting is encouraged for ratings.

Most annoying (tie)

I do not like Chloe Jasmine as much as anyone else seems to. She’s always posing (she has modeled, of course), and I don’t care how many old videos surface, her posh accent is completely put on.

First, Raign (DA FUH is that spelling) wore the low rent version of Jamie Alexander’s dress from the 2013 Thor premiere. Then she proceeded to talk about herself forever before singing a rather serviceable song she wrote herself. Simon’s eyes looked like dollar signs as he saw her as the second coming of Florence and the Machine.

Best Song Choice

Jake Sims did “When the Sun Goes Down” by the Arctic Monkeys, which was not a great showcase for his voice but definitely showed some savvy on his part. Sucks about the pube-ish facial hair, dude. He’s also the one with the racist rap so I don’t know how much longer he’s going to be on the show.

Favorite Performances

Emily Middlemas did a Cher Lloyd song in her first audition and then managed to make me not hate Coldyplay’s “Yellow” this week. She is absolutely the most current artist we’ve seen.

Janet Grogan looked amazing in her jumpsuit and she killed this U2 song. I would love to see a female rock artist succeed on this show!

Presumed Frontrunners

Ummmm so Jake Quickenden is pretty cute but he sang Jessie J. Generally I find him boring. Poor Jake.

I just don’t respond to soul voices like Lola Saunders’ so early in the competition. She needs to sing some stuff that hasn’t been overdone by everyone on reality singing competition shows. I do think she could get to a good place with proper coaching and modern songs.

There is no question that if she makes it, Kerrianne Covell will be a fan favorite based on personality alone. She would also get a dramatic makeover, which would be exciting to see.

Best Improvement

The show is not showing as many bad auditioners during the arena rounds (maybe only one person does not get through each episode), so there is more time for good people that perhaps we did not see in the first round, or heard briefly. I was always annoyed that I could pick the people who went through to lives very early on each season, because the producers spent the most time with them.

Categories, Ranked in Difficulty and Illustrated With Cheryl gifs

1. Overs

It is going to be difficult to stand out here, with stiff competition like Jay James from last week, Raign, Ben Haenow, Fleur East, Janet Grogan, and Helen Fulthorpe. I’m sure several of them will fuck up completely.

2. Girls

There is Kaleigh… and everyone else! Well this does include Emily Middlemas, Kerrianne the shoegirl and Lola Saunders, the fishmonger who will probably win it all, especially after the producers are kicking themselves for not making Ella Henderson win two years ago (her album is doing great, kthanks).

3. Boys

Many of these boys blend together for me, which is fine since some of them will be pulled for the inevitable boyband. But Paul Akister, Jake Quickenden and James Graham look like locks.

4. Groups

Overload is the only standout here, so if you’re not Overload, I don’t care about you. However, the category only needs one to run away with the competition and the boyband could do absolutely it.

Next week: BOOT CAMP and the six evil chairs of death! SPOOKY!

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