Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK recap, live show 2

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X Factor UK gang

Another week of eliminations that I could have predicted: Stephanie Nala and Chloe-Jasmine were sent home, leaving Cheryl with only two contestants (if she would have put Emily and Kerianne through instead I’m CERTAIN Stevi would be gone by now).

Fourteen performances and no one sang MY favorite 80s song (right now):

My husband says he would be on one of these shows JUST to sing Black Flag on 80s night.

Best 80s flashbacks

X Factor UK Louis Walsh

It looks like he’s on trial.

Simon Sinitta

Says so much about Simon. Both via.

Terrible screenshots that illustrate how hard producers tried to make Jay James look cool

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Through the studio glass.

I am alone.

So alone.

So mysterious.

So mysterious.

He's too squint to be cool.

He’s too squinty to be cool.

Multiple Jay James'!

Multiple Jay Jameses!

Biggest tease

Hearing “Waiting for a Star to Fall” in the background. Wahhh, why didn’t anyone sing THAT?

Laziest judges

That would be ALL of them this week, many of whom didn’t even meet with their proteges in person.

Even YOU, Mel B?

Even YOU, Mel B?

Ben was soooooo sick but of course he sounded great on stage. I question his actual illness.

Ben was soooooo sick but of course he sounded great on stage. According to the Mirror, SEVEN contestants were sick though they only mentioned Ben on the show.

Mel sent Louis Tomlinson to mentor Jack. I never remember Jack's name so I think this is a bad sign.

Mel sent Louis Tomlinson to mentor Jack. I never remember Jack’s name so I think this is a bad sign.

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Best dressed, off stage

I am really going to miss Chloe-Jasmine.

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This picture is terrible but she was wearing a mustard blouse under a pin stripe shirt dress. It was cute!

This picture is terrible but she was wearing a mustard blouse under a pin stripe shirt dress. It was cute!

Worst make up

Sorry Chloe, but this is GARISH.

Sorry Chloe, but this is GARISH.

Best new Brit

Andrea, who Mel B called her "Latin lover" (?? he's Italian?), LOVES fish and chips.

Andrea, who Mel B called her “Latin lover” (??he’s Italian??), LOVES fish and chips.

My best idea of the weekend

X Factor UK 8

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An Alex & Sierra-like duo with James Graham and the best singer in Only the Young. It sounds insane, which is why is will totally work.

Best earrings

I was as mesmerized by these earrings as Cheryl is by Chloe.

I was as mesmerized by these earrings as Cheryl is by Chloe. Or so she says.

I get it already, I am old

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Jack was born in 1996. Most of these contestants were not alive in the 80s, which they kept reminding us by being completely unaware of most recordings from one of the craziest musical decades ever (new wave-dance pop-hip hop-metal-punk-indie rock ALL came to the forefront at one point, so there’s a lot to choose from; unfortunately most of the song choices did not reflect the diversity of the time).

Worst hair

I am so sick of ombre  I could puke.

I am so sick of ombre I could puke.

Other interesting fashion choices

Unknown Stereo Kicks member's super fuzzy pink stripey sweater.

Unknown Stereo Kicks member’s super fuzzy pink stripey sweater.

This girl's bouffant. I am pro-bouffant, BTW.

Lola Saunders’ bouffant. I am pro-bouffant, BTW.

Fleur's boxing shorts, leopard bra and Chanel track jacket.

Fleur’s boxing shorts, leopard bra and Chanel track jacket.

Andrea's star blazer is really cool...

Andrea’s star blazer is really cool…

...but the details up close are cooler.

…but the details up close are cooler.

ON WARNING

I don’t like when people break the rules of these categories. Both John Lennon songs were included on technicalities. Roxy Music had a hit with “Jealous Guy” in the UK in 1981 and “Imagine” charted in the UK following Lennon’s death.

Favorite performance

Since no one sang “Johnny and Mary,” Fleur East will have to be it.

Fucking MONIE LOVE. “It’s a Shame” was probably one of the first hip hop songs I was obsessed with as a kid (it came out in 1990, which is barely the 80s). Also, Mel B’s complaint was total bullshit. Fleur did NOT cheat, she was singing other parts over the chorus. Even Queen Bey, who can most definitely sing, has a track on the chorus during her live performances so she can riff and dance.

I predict a winner

I’m still going with Lauren. Her haunting “What a Feeling” from Flashdance had a vibe reminiscent of Cher Lloyd’s “Stay.”

Next Week:

X Factor UK movies

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

All screencaps by me. Other photos from X Factor’s facebook page.

One Comment

  1. Ben we are behind you 100 % – go for it tonight again – best of luck http://www.benhaenow.com

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