Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK recap, live show four

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There are so many mysteries this show has yet to solve for us–Is Louis Tomlinson studying to be a judge? What did Stevi see in Chloe? Why can’t I tell all of Stereo Kicks apart yet? When will Andrea’s performance be as precious as his personality? Why does nothing move me anymore?

Well, maybe they don’t have to answer that last question for me. I have been really sick this week–strep, I think–so honestly, I did not pay much attention to this week’s episode. I apologize to my queen Cheryl Fernandez-Versini. The contestants going home–Jack Walton and Lola Saunders–could not compare to Simon’s mighty overs or the groups in performance and song choice for the past several weeks. I will not miss them at all.

Lola caused her own demise

Lola's boyfriend visited...

Lola’s boyfriend visited…

...they'd been together since they were kids.

…they’d been together since they were kids.

Then she dressed like Big Bird.

Then she dressed like Big Bird.

Best field trip

X Factor 4 30

X Factor 4 31

Andrea went to an adorable Italian delicatessen, which you can visit when you go to London.

So cute! Via their website.

So cute! Via their website.

Best gossip confrontation

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Stevi talked about his relationship with Chloe a lot. He even admitted to kissing her!

X Factor 4 51

But then he and Fleur were shocked to hear that Chloe and her boyfriend were back together.

I like that Jay James

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The overs playing ping pong.

Teaching James to shave. Awww.

Teaching James to shave. Awww.

He said being in the X Factor house was like being in a “youth club.”

Most likely to give me nightmares

Creepy contacts, as seen on Lauren Platt

Also, those eyelashes!

Also, those eyelashes! Via.

and Paul Akister.

X Factor 4 40

I would never touch my eye just for a Halloween costume. I am a dedicated glasses wearer.

WORST DRESSED

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Mel B said she liked what Jay James was wearing. I did not like it as either a modern outfit or as a costume. It did not know what it wanted to be.

Best dressed

Creepy contacts aside, Lauren Platt looked AHMAHZE.

Cutest flashback costumes

Awwwww, Stereo Kicks!

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I still couldn’t tell you which one is Casey today.

X Factor 4 46

X Factor 4 47

Best costume, judge edition

Louis really commits to it. Via.

Louis really commits to it. Via.

Best costume, contestant edition

TIE!

Andrea as a gold devil (??). Via.

Andrea as a gold devil (??). Via.

Only the Young looked freaking adorable. Via.

Only the Young looked freaking adorable. Via.

Favorite performance

While my girl Fleur East did a formidable “Thriller,” Only the Young really charmed me with “Monster Mash” (with a little “Crocodile Rock” thrown in). This is why I love the groups category–so much fun and creativity here!

I also loved Paul Akister’s “Bat Out of Hell.”

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