Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK recap, live week 1

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Both via.

Both via.

I think from the beginning, we all knew the two acts going home would be Blonde Electra and one of the following: Chloe Jasmine (hated in the press), Stephanie Nala (more of a pop star voice) or Overload Generation (does not include incredibly popular Jake Sims or my favorite James Graham, who I will mention in every post by name). So Overload it was, and no one is sad except maybe Louis, though mentoring four acts is probably too much for him.

Sixteen acts is too many! I can’t wait until there are fewer than ten and we get nice long, strange intro packages every week that are fun to blog about. Until then, these posts are performance critique-heavy.

How we know the wild card announcements were real

REACTION SHOTSSSSSS!!

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Lola was by far the most shocked.

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None of them are good enough actors to fake any of that.

Best Dressed

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No surprise here, (former?) model Chloe Jasmine looked elegant and had the most perfect red nails and lipstick too!

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Lauren Platt also looked cute in this red and pink striped sequined top.

Most mesmerizing gif

I could watch this T Swift gif for hours.

Best song choice

Whoever picked a song from an X Factor alum (Ella Henderson) for Paul Akister was so smart. And his version was different and still modern, two things his choices hadn’t been before. Bravo!

Worst Dressed

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Bulletproof vest.

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Lola Saunders’ dress reminds me of menstruation. But wait, there’s more!

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A completely unnecessary train on a dumb mullet dress! The girl is TWENTY.

Simon and Cheryl “fight” of the week

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All via.

All via.

Worst song choice

There were really so many. “Bridge Over Troubled Water.” “Earth Song.” But I hate “Roar” so, so much. Good solos for James Graham, though! Also, if they got rid of the two kids on the far left–blond in the white tee and the one in the black gingham shirt–NO ONE WOULD NOTICE. I pretend they don’t exist.

Best Step Brothers reference

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Jay James to Stevi Ritchie: “Did we just become best friends?” After that they did karate in the garage.

Coolest stage set up

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The circus came to town for Blonde Electra and it was glorious.

Most excessive use of budget

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Did Paul Akister REALLY need six back up singers? I think not.

Most grave-like stage set up

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I think this was supposed to be sexy?

Biggest disappointment

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I think Stephanie Nala was an even bigger mess than Overload on Saturday, though she has more potential overall. I really want her to be amazing.

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Only the Young are officially annoying the crap out of me by telling us over and over again that they know who they are and they don’t listen to anyone. It makes them seem inflexible and like they don’t think they need the mentors’ help. Louis probably won’t do anything for them, however, so they’ll coast on their own taste and style.

Best bon mot

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Ben Haenow won me over by declaring the X Factor house as “a mixture of prison and Glee.”

Who I would have voted for

Doing the most recent number one of the show seemed like a bad idea on paper, as well as having a woman with THOSE ABS tell me to accept my body. But Fleur East is so interesting.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t heard this Robbie Williams song that I LOVE a billion times (the video is great), but I adored Jake Quickenden. I wish people would stop telling him he needs grit in his voice, because that’s not who he is.

Too-early winner prediction

While the bookies and everyone in the UK are predicting Andrea, I think producers are mad that they let Ella Henderson get away so early in the competition two years ago and will make it easier for Lauren Platt to win.

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