Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor UK week 1

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Or, why I am not sure how to cover the audition rounds on X Factor UK this year, if at all.

1. Format

X Factor UK stage

I don’t know what possessed the producers to create this: Saturday’s episode features several auditions just in front of the judges, all from different cities and Sunday’s episode shows the Wembley auditions of the contestants who moved on–but we don’t even see all of them! I saw at least one person from Saturday in the preview for the next week! THIS IS SO CONFUSING, PRODUCERS.

Then, these people need to get judges approval one more time before going to bootcamp. I’m sure it weeds out the “mehs” but that’s what the pre-judges producer’s auditions AND bootcamp are supposed to do.

2. Created dramz

For instance, two girls auditioned as a duo (Silver Rock) for the judges, but it didn’t work (the girls had zero chemistry since they had only met the week prior) so they split them up and they auditioned separately on the spot. It was obvious that one of them, Tamera, had more of the “x factor” than the other one but they sent them both through.

Shockingly, Tamera is through to boot camp but not the other one (I didn’t even write her name down). Who knows how long she’s going to last now that she’s involved in a drug scandal (keep this shit off Twitter, morons)!

X Factor UK Luke

When Luke was eliminated on the second show, the judges’ voting was drawn out, even though we all knew he was not as good as he was the night before. It was still fresh in everyone’s memory.

X Factor UK Alejandro

Meanwhile, Alejandro Fernando had a mediocre audition but did well at Wembley so a redemption story was created around him the second he started to sing in Spanish in “Hero” (ugh THE WORST). Also Nicole called him “very hot” and he’s SEVENTEEN. Eww.

3. Repetitive

By its nature, this format is repetitive. Who wants to see two episodes in a row of the same people auditioning? I want to see new singers every time! I honestly didn’t love any of these people enough to see twice in two nights except Hannah Barrett.

Here is her Saturday audition:

And Sunday’s in front of an audience:

[sidenote: I hate how this is labelled “One Night Only” by Jennifer Hudson on Youtube. It is from a well-known musical that has been performed since 1981.]

Look, I understand TV. I know this was done to get viewers, to expand the drama, and to let the audience get to know the frontrunners a bit more before bootcamp. But I argue that we will only get to know the people the producers choose to show (on purpose, as X Factor tends to show at least a brief bit of each contestant who makes it to judge’s houses).

RIP the X Factor careers of these people I kind of liked

Fil Henley, future Rock of Ages extra, touring company

X Factor UK Fil Henley

I love how he got some fake tattoos after his first audition to show how badass he is. Oh Fil, I can’t quit you. Too bad you can’t sing and I am pretty sure Mrs. O was completely disgusted with you. I LOVE that Nicole complimented him on the way his “hair freely dances to the music.”

Tom Mann

I think I saw him on Sunday’s episode getting eliminated but the focus of the show was elsewhere (maybe on Silver Rock?). I thought this kid was charming and he’ll probably audition next year (don’t get any ideas, Fil).

See you before bootcamp, where I will rank as many of the contestants that I can remember before they embarrass themselves doing a group number to Katy Perry’s “Firework,” complete with jazz hands.

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