Okay gang we start with an ode to Emblem3 goodbye boys we loved you so hard…
The one in the hat knows the Truth…THE TRUTH…
He too can play guitar…
Oh boys I heart you…
and another one of DREW! Oh dumb one we miss you the most…
So apparently the final three were forced to do some Christmas pictures (I’m sure Tate is really loving/hating his life right now).
Look at Tate hiding in the back…poor sad Tate.
You know who is also hating life the poor PA they forced to dress up like a penguin…lets all feel bad for that poor bastard cause I bet Fox is paying him nickels.
THEN they brought back the top 12 to perform… you know what that means–some pics of those contestants we loved or in the case of CeCe loved to hate.
EMBLEM3! The middle one is so sad he forget to put an emblem (hehehehehe) on his hat…
CeCe looks like the love child of David Bowie and Bjork’s swan dress or maybe just an actual swan.
Then they all performed I guess with people and stuff…
Carly full on star searching right down to the fucking hat.
Fifth Harmony performing with Demi! I am not sure what Demi is wearing it’s not a cute dress that I am sure of.
Poor Tate looking off into the middle distance asking himself has it been worth it…oh Tate poor sad Tate…If only you were young then you could have been on Idol…
All the talk has been around Carly’s duet with Leann Rimes and Leann maybe being drunk? Decide for yourself, but I will note that her words are unintelligible and she is leaning on a 13-year old for support.
Carly often displays this vacant expression but I think this is actually her trying very hard not to sneer at LeAnn Rimes.
Here’s what I learned on Twitter, as I did not watch the finale until the second hour.
Louis Tomlinson photobombed Khloe and Mario! (from X Factor USA Twitter)
Fifth Harmony came in third place, probably because Simon cursed them with song selection. (from X Factor USA Twitter)
Tate and family. (from X Factor USA Twitter)
Carly and her very New England family. (from X Factor USA Twitter)
Pitbull is really, really terrible. He is not getting a video uploaded.
One Direction are entertaining, and I fall in love with Liam a bit more, but what I really enjoy are the orgasmic screams of adolescent girls.
Khloe keeps asking people in the audience how many times they voted. Like they are going to say something like “I don’t know… uhhh 8 or 9.”
Carly and Tate sing “The Climb,” which does not suit his range at all, but he makes the most of a song clearly picked for his tween competitor.
It doesn’t matter, though, because TATE WINS IT ALL! It’s the absolute right winner. We here at SLLS endorse this outcome and hope that Tate actually sells some effing records.
We leave you with this image of Drew at the “judges home” sing/rapping barefoot and nearly shirtless. If you had asked us and not your fellow contestants we would have gladly gone snowboarding in Whistler with you Drew!