Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor US live show five

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There is no way I am going to write a real recap of this show. I hate it so much right now. The joy has been sucked out of it.

Some things that went right this season

A few pop star-worthy acts

Paige Thomas was always entertaining and fun in a Rihanna way. She was my favorite solo performer in this whole competition. Of course her originality was not appreciated and she was sent home this week.

Lyric145, while they lasted, were a breath of fresh air on mainstream reality competition shows.

Tate Stevens is one of the most likeable contestants I’ve ever encountered on these shows. You just want to root for him.

Katie and I would never buy an Emblem3 record, but they are hilarious and so doofy.

Khloe Kardashian

I can’t help but like her. She presses the judges to answer tough questions. She has gorgeous hair. She seems alive.

Demi Lovato

I like her as a mentor–sweet, full of good advice, lets her contestants take risks. She’s also a pretty good judge and routinely stands up to bully Simon Cowell. I also appreciate her attainable Topshop wardrobe, even if she is paid to wear it. Plus: doesn’t she look adorable with Cher Lloyd? I hope they’re friends.

What went wrong

Contestant ages

 

I don’t want to see 13 year olds sing on these shows. I hate when they get eliminated and cry. No one else does either so I am convinced that’s why they don’t get sent home. They need to have their own show. I hate child singers. All of them.

Too many double eliminations

Who likes these? Why get attached to anyone? I know there’s a timing issue, which is why X Factor UK starts in August. Fox, figure this shit out if you’re going to do another season.

Mario Lopez

He is a weird dimpled robot host who reads the prompter and smiles but is completely detached from anything he says. He has no idea what is going on. His chemistry with Khloe is nonexistent and he makes Katie and I long for Seacrest WHOM WE HATE. Dermot O’Leary dances on the UK version every week. He is quick-witted and makes good jokes. Mario is not smart enough to make jokes.

Fucking America

Let’s face it, an R&B singer is not going to win this competition unless there are only R&B singers competing. If it’s 12 R&B people and 1 country guy, the country guy would automatically win. I mean, I like Tate Stevens just fine, but I prefer real pop records.

UK show is just better

 

There are so many things on the UK show I love that just would not translate here: the dramatic voiceover, the crazy stages, the Brit-centric song choices, the awesome introduction montages. I am biased and I don’t know if I can ever let go and truly enjoy the US show.

I Quit

There are so many other issues that aren’t specific to X Factor, like song choice and bad judging (it’s hard to find good ones, apparently). I am going to quit recapping this show. I might do something like “the week in Emblem3” but I can’t watch this with the same fervor anymore. Since X Factor UK is still wonderful to me, I will not stop those recaps. I have at least one major reality singing competition post this year and then I’m going to take a break and try to cover some new things that don’t make me want to die.

All photos from Fox website; last two from Wikipedia.

One Comment

  1. Gemma and I will pick up here and finish off the season with meows and “dude comments”.

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