Smart ladies love dumb TV, X Factor US live show three

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I’m not going to say I’m going to stop watching X Factor because America sent home two of my favorite acts. I will, however, continue to complain about the US version of the show.

First, Cece should have been in the bottom, but she wasn’t because she sang last and was in the bottom last week so fans rallied around her. That will not happen next week.

Second,  Simon was a total asshole by refusing to vote: that is Demi’s job. She voted to send home Paige over Jennel, who was ultimately sent home.

Another part of the problem is American tastes: they don’t reward overall performance, but the contestant’s ability to sing big songs. I was not a fan of Melanie Amaro last year; I preferred Josh (greasy soul-rock guy) and Marcus (R&B dude). American Idol has changed over time to to appreciate the subtle stylings of WGWG (white guys with guitars). I can only hope that X Factor US will learn to appreciate the real pop stars of tomorrow: the Cher Lloyds as opposed to the Melanies.

They released the list again this week (bottom to top): Paige, Arin, Beatrice, Diamond, 5th Harmony, Cece Frey (??), Emblem3, Vino Alan (who is voting for this tool?), Carly Rose Sonenclar, Tate Stevens. Actually, America, I am ok with Tate winning this. He sings on key, he’s not annoying in the least, and he seems like a sweet guy. As long as Carly Rose loses.

I really hate this ratings thing. It’s causing drama the show does not need if it was edited and produced properly. Diamond stop pretending your spirit was crushed by being sent home because you know you were coming back. I am not falling for this ruse, producers! Diamond’s a couple steps too low on “Halo” and she never goes for it like a real singer would, just like how she, as a young teen, thinks she’s supposed to go for it.

Unflattering trend of the week

Tight white pants.


The girl with the best voice got to wear a cute dress while three girls had to wear insanely tight white pants and one wore fug high waisted white shorts? This seems unfair.


All I could think when I saw this was how dirty her pants are going to get with stage dust. Look, I was in theater in high school. Even when you clean it’s still gross.

Humanizing Cece

From the beginning when she was Tate’s confidente, I knew the producers were trying to get her to go up in the votes. Of course it fucking worked, since the voters are likely too stupid to understand what was really going on.

Then there was the family thing. Apparently her parents can’t afford to fly to LA to support her so she Skypes with them and cries a lot. Demi gave her advice on the situation.

She sang “All by Myself,” which was absolutely one of the worst performances I have ever seen on X Factor. But she was so emotional afterwards!

Biggest disappointment

Jennel is not Tina Turner. She should not do big R&B songs. She is not soulful. She should have done Bonnie Raitt or a rock-country song. The judges loved this for some reason. I HATED IT.

I also hated this outfit, a leather interpretation of Tina’s fringe dress. It was really trashy.

Second biggest disappointment

It was not a shock to see Lyric145 go home after a mashup they rehearsed twice. “ET”/”We Will Rock You” was too loose and shouty. I’m sad they were never able to perform their own lyrics ala Astro last season.

NO MORE MASHUPS.  I do think Lyric145 would be better served by doing real hip hop, like Missy Elliott. She’s a diva! And Lyric Da Queen, don’t talk over the judges critique, even if you’re talking to fans.

Fire your makeup artist 2

Britney’s maroon lipstick. She looked like Elvira.

Best bitchface

Paige, when Simon told her that there was too much going on during her performance.  “I like my dancers, Simon.” He was kind of right. Once there was a breakdown and the beat picked up it took too long to get going again. I would still buy her record tomorrow.

LA listens to stuff

I really enjoy watching LA listening to his contestants. Here is the series of hand gestures he made during Tate Stevens.

Lest you think I actually like LA now, here’s a picture of him wearing a dumb scarf.

Something inches towards like


There is no way this guy isn’t getting a multimillion dollar contract, even if he loses (number 1 in the votes for the second week in a row). I’m still warming up to Tate Stevens. He is always  professional and picks good songs for his range and audience.

An outfit too far

“Why do they insist on dressing Beatrice as a tiny lesbian hobo?” -KATIE, in the quote of the night in our gchat convo.

Anyway,on  Wednesday Beatrice did “Time After Time” in the most sleepy way possible. I didn’t realize it until my second viewing of this episode but she had time-themed accessories. Well, just watches. Lots of them.

The rest of her accessories were equally horrifying. Her YOLO hat was made in three contrasting colors and will certainly be found in 5 Below any day now. She was also wearing giant safety pin (like the kind found on diapers) earrings  hooked over yellow exclamation point earrings. Claudia Kishi wouldn’t even wear these.

None of these bracelets cost more than 50 cents at the flea market.

“Who?”

I’m glad you’re alive, Britney. But this is the second week in a row she has forgotten Arin’s name in the introduction. Did he do “Crazy for You” just to sing it to the chick in Fifth Harmony? I don’t remember any of it. I would have preferred “La Isla Bonita.”

Do you really like each other?

The fake friendship of Fifth Harmony is so weird. I don’t like any four people that much.

My heart will NOT go on

Celine Dion is horrifying and no one should sing her ever. Not even you, Carly. Buy this instead. Really, if I could sell even ten more copies of that book I’d be really happy.

Some inexplicable quotes about Emblem3 and a shitton of screengrabs

“They saved some kittens drowning in a lake this week.” That’s cheap, Simon.

“I totally get why the girls are swooned by you.” -Britney

The boys were very sad to be in sixth place last week.

Keaton and Wes’ dad Bill was also furious about the band’s place in the voting. He talks like he’s 17, so he’s super cool.

This week’s video was mainly about Drew finally knowing his place in the world now that he’s in Emblem3.

They performed Alicia Keys’ “No One” with some vague reggae influence.

You know who was having a really good time? THE BACK UP SINGERS!

There were so many classic moments during this performance. First, Wes and Keaton turned around when the camera was behind them but Drew did not, because he is pretty and dumb. He’s not related to Bill the genius like the others.

Then there was this shot from the audience.

Finally, look at how excited they were when LA complimented them!

Fox decided to air this shit on Thanksgiving so see you again at the end of the week!

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