Simon Cowell is like king of people that are fun to hate and he likes it that way, which makes him even more disturbing. In honor of August 30th’s return of X Factor UK, here are 7 reasons to hate Simon Cowell.
1. X Factor US
If you hate him for one reason, let it be this one. The ratings for this Cowell-created/produced/mentored series are well below even American Idol’s shaky numbers, a superstar has yet to be found and they trotted Britney out like some old sad horse and allowed her to call everyone “beautiful” while wearing many ugly, cheap-looking dresses.
2. Questionable morals
In his latest life dramz to hit the gossip rags, Simon impregnated his best friend’s wife Lauren Silverman, causing Carmen Electra to leave him (really…her?) and the Silvermans divorce to become a whole lot more public.
3. Those damn tee shirts
I love a uniform, I really do. And I am sure one of his shirts cost more than ten of my outfits. But this is not. cute. His looks consist of a proper suit (A+), an unbuttoned shirt (both with and without a jacket), a too-tight tee shirt, a giant, awkward-sized tee shirt, and bathing trunks. I’m sure he’d say, “but I’m rich, I can wear whatever the fuck I want.” Yeah but even rich people can be boring.
4. Mean in a trite, catchphrase-y way
I appreciate honest judges on talent competitions, and that’s certainly what he’s known for. But I feel there is a secret list of how many eye rolls and “cruise ship” critiques he has to give out. Simon’s way of doing things is just over. We have Gary Barlow and Keith Urban now (please Idol make Keith head judge), who both know and understand music and respond with thoughtful criticism of contestants.
5. Boyband revival
I think this gif is a gift from God. And you know I love Niall. And The Wanted Life and all of Brooke’s amazing posts. But Simon is directly responsible for making boybands relevant in America again, after he sent his X Factor discovery overseas to find fame in the hearts of Twilight-obsessed tweens. Thus, America became screamier.
6. America’s Got Talent
If a ventriloquist can win this family friendly summer show, it is truly a shitstorm I don’t want to be a part of. And what of Britain’s Got Talent, which produced the dreary Internet sensation Susan Boyle? Equally awful except at least David Walliams (Little Britain, married to model Lara Stone) is a judge.
7. Possible homophobe
I am so glad that he and Ryan Seacrest have been split up so I don’t have to watch their gross homophobic banter every spring. [This clip DOES feature SLLS fave Melinda Doolittle.]
But since I’m a nice person, here are a few things I like about him:
This picture of him and Sinitta from the 80s.
David Walliams, in general. In fact, Walliams and Cowell’s friendship makes me almost like Simon.