Smart ladies love TV, X Factor US finalists

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Finalists Rundown

I have watched enough of these shows to know I will hate most of the contestants. I enjoy the UK show more because it’s riskier and weirder and the contestants don’t seem as annoying. But here in the USA we like big personalities and big belters and don’t reward subtlety.

I’m going to rank the contestants in each category. I don’t know if those at the top are the ones that are most likely to win but they are the ones I like the best. I have to point out that I will never buy any of these records, because they will all be terrible, so it’s hard to personally judge their longevity.

LA Reid’s old fogeys

LA, stop pretending to be pissed that you have the overs.

These people are only over 25 but LA talks about them like they’re 80. There’s no Dexter in this group so be thankful.

4. Tate Stevens
I am not into male country singers like this at all. America will probably love him. [I don’t even remember him from the audition shows and somehow missed him sing at bootcamp. -K]

3. Vino Alan
I like the tone of his voice but it reminds me of the early 00s, which is not good. I want to sing that “Butterfly” song when I see him.

2. David Correy
I can never remember this guy’s name. Ooops. He’s adorable and I think he has a chance of being a contender. He found his birth mother too! [Thanks god he found his birth mother! -K]

Jason is my X Factor boyfriend.

1. Jason Brock AKA JoAnne Worley
I love him. He has such a good voice, it’s just so unfortunate he looks like a goth JoAnne Worley (thanks for that, Dave Holmes). Tech support employee makes it big! [LOVE HIM! -K]

Britney Spears’ not-yet-legals

They’re so excited! SQUEEE!!! {eyeroll}

With one exception, these kids are all too young and it will be painful to see them get voted off.

4. Carly Rose Sanchez
She is too professional. Why does she need this show? Go to Broadway, mini-Lea Michele (not a compliment).

3. Diamond White
Her voice is not as good as she or her mother thinks it is.

She’s taking her turn on the sin wagon.

2. Beatrice Miller
I still like her Dixie Chicks audition. Why don’t people sing the Chicks on this show more often? Is it because they are still blacklisted or do they not want to sell their music to shitty reality shows? That would make me love them more. Anyways, Beatrice is ok. [She is too neurotic, I worry about how I will handle her sobbing while she is thrown off the island. -K]

1. Arin Ray
Arin is #1 because, at 17, he is the youngest that a contestant on these shows should be. EVER.

Demi Lovato’s “young adults” AKA average-aged reality show contestants

4. Cece Frey
The least likeable finalist in recent reality show history. To make herself appear more annoying, she paints cheetah spots on her face. If she could sing I could look past this behavior, but alas, she’s a mediocre belter. Canon fodder. NEXT.

3. Jennel Garcia
She has been disappointing since her audition. HOW DID SHE GET THROUGH? [Imagine America if this was Skylar from Idol last season, IMAGINE!  She would win it all! -K]

Paige is proud of this Halloween costume she made in middle school home ec.

2. Paige Thomas
I enjoy her strange outfits and think she could deliver bizarre X Factor UK-like performances. One to watch! [I want to watch her for the outfits alone! -K]

Willie is adorable!

1. Willie Jones
Can’t he be country AND R&B, Demi and Joe? Why pigeonhole him? I think Willie has a lovely voice and he is very stylish. I have high hopes he will give us some wacky performances.

Simon’s groups, none of whom have a chance in hell of winning

I will never learn any of your names.

It’s so cute that they keep trying with this category. I’m not sure why Simon kept two girl group instead of the fabricated boyband Playback, who I thought were really entertaining. There will be no American One Direction this year.

4. Lylas
Not only do they have a shitty name (“love you like a sister” is sooo fourth grade) but they’re basically five girls who switch off singing lead.

3. Sister C
I think there was a girl country group on last year too and they sucked. Sister C is for all of you who wanted the sorority version of Shelby Lynne, which is no one.

2. Emblem3
Are they out of names for boy bands? There’s Union J and District 3 in the UK this year, which I thought were the worst band names ever, until I heard Emblem 3. They will make it farther than any group did last year. [Is it sad that I hope that one kid never wears shoes and also never buttons up his shirt, cause I think it give Simon “crazy eye”. -K]

Please make it past the first live show.

1. Lyric 145
Includes LyricDaQueen, the most charismatic performer of all of this year’s finalists. [I desperately want more Lyric da Queen-K]

*Photos from the X Factor USA website

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