Smart ladies love TV, worst of 2012

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Now that our best of TV musings have been posted (Katie and Melissa), what is left to do except talk about all the shit we hate? Again, SPOILERS AHOY! Let’s get started…

Worst dressed

I liked to think that Christian Borell is all "these bitches are FUG" in this picture look at his cute face :)

I liked to think that Christian Borle is all “these bitches are FUG” in this picture look at his cute face ūüôā

Melissa: Debra Messing in Smash. She is incredibly styled by Rachel Zoe in real life, she wore beautiful things on Will & Grace, and the show dresses her like a rich lady going to yoga, but with fug oversized sweaters and tons of scarves thrown on top.

Katie: ¬†Debra Messing on Smash¬†definitely¬†has some wardrobe issues but since Melissa covered that let’s talk about Juliette’s skirts on Nashville. ¬†In fact, Juliette doesn’t really wear skirts or pants, she just wears longish tight sequined shirts.¬† Seriously, there hasn’t ever been a time when I haven’t audibly uttered to my TV, ¬†“Wow, that dress is tiny. ¬†If she were to sit down we might get a shot of her hoohaw,” when I watch Nashville.

Worst Wardrobe/Sets/CGI

You can't see how hot Hook is here and what the hell is going on with Regina's hair?!?

You can’t see how hot Hook is here and what the hell is going on with Regina’s hair?!?

Katie:¬†¬†Oh¬†Once Upon a Time, your visual landscape is hilariously bad. ¬†I understand that to do what you do in 22 episodes would be kind of tough but one my goodness it sometimes looks like you spent two dollars on visual effects. ¬†I don’t even want to think about the fact that I can see the¬†shoddy¬†workmanship on all of the clothes through my TV screen. ¬†Even Mattel uses better fabric for Barbie clothes than you do on any of the gowns you force those ladies to wear. ¬†You are a very VERY B-movie kind of TV show, embrace that cause the syfy channel does a better job on movies like Giant Gorilla VS. T. Rex (I’m sure that is a real movie).

Melissa: Not one show per se, but I am tired of the fake green screen shit when people are driving. Hasn’t technology advanced enough to where viewers can’t tell if it’s fake or not? I know on a lot of shows the actors do the driving themselves (Sons of Anarchy) or get pulled from a rig or drive really slow on a road closed to other traffic. 30 Rock put me over the edge on this when Jack took his mom for a carriage ride a few weeks ago. It was SO DISTRACTING. The show FILMS in New York, it’s not like the producers do not have access to a real carriage.

Worst death

I had to stop watching SOA during season 4 because it was kind of stressing me out, then again I had just feverishly gone through season 1-3 but I heard about Opie and am not sure i can continue...Also look how hot Sloan was how can you kill that guy off...

I had to stop watching SOA during season 4 because it was kind of stressing me out, then again I had just feverishly gone through seasons 1-3 but then I heard about Opie and am not sure I can continue…Also look how hot Sloan was how can you kill that guy off…

Melissa:¬†I am still not okay with the death of a certain bearded biker on Sons of Anarchy. His death was s brutal–I covered my eyes the whole time and cried. I know his character had run its course–his wife was killed by the club, he married and separated from a porn star, he came full circle on Jax’s rise to power–but I love Ryan Hurst and I hate that he won’t be on the show anymore. This has lead to some good REVENGE! storylines for Jax so I am not going to be one of those people who quits the show.

Kate:¬†MARK AND LEXI on¬†Grey’s Anatomy. ¬†I really did not know how integral they were to the¬†overall¬†quality of that show until they were gone. ¬†First of all, their love story was often more comical than it was tragic (she broke his penis once) so them dying after they¬†realized¬†they truly were meant for one and other was FUCKED UP. ¬†Second, they were both funny and¬†necessary¬†for cutting the bullshit of that show; Lexi was young and was a bridge to the new interns they brought in and Mark was just plain funny and HOT. ¬†Shonda and the writers could never figure out how to solve the age/life difference between Lexi and Mark but I would argue they didn’t need to, sometimes people just work because there personalities complement each other. ¬†Lastly, if Lexi was still on the show then we would not be confused by who the new interns are since she would be a resident they would report to her, Lexi would be Bailey as Christina was Lexi’s Bailey. ¬†Currently at the worst hospital in Seattle there are NO residents only attendings and interns, which Shonda, I HAVE noticed. It’s a testimony to all the other fucked up shit on Grey’s that I haven’t brought that up before in the recaps (I’m also aware that I never¬†swear¬†as much as when I talk about this dumb show).

Worst love interest

 

Nolan and Lavon are so much better than these dames!!!

Nolan and Lavon are so much better than these dames!!!

Melissa:¬†There is no one more boring than Padma on¬†Revenge. She doesn’t seem to have a personality and I don’t know why Nolan would like her¬†at all. I’m into this old CFO that has recently been brought back into his life! RAWR! Second place to Kalinda’s crazy ex husband on¬†The Good Wife. I am so glad that storyline ended. I need to mention Ruby on¬†Hart of Dixie¬†too! She does not deserve Mayor Lavon Hayes, clearly the hottest and most powerful man in Bluebell plus HER FACE DOESN’T MOVE.

Katie:¬†¬†See worst storyline below. ¬†I also hate Ruby on Hart of Dixie–who in their right mind would move to Dallas when they can be with Lavon Hayes (well, now I feel bad cause she is a high powered working lady and her job should count for something but this is a TV show & she should stay for Cress Williams. ¬†Also stop using botox you are a high powered working lady for goodness sake).

The show that wastes the most talent

On the left Joey man with no shirt, on the rig.............................................

On the left Joey Man with no shirt, on the rig………………………………………

Katie: ¬†I could probably write a thesis on how True Blood continually wastes talented actors and gives untalented actors juicier parts but I will need things to say when I recap this show in the summer (yeah that is happening so expect lots of swearing and pics of half naked men) but the one person they wasted the most last season was SLLS beloved Joe Manganiello¬†who is funny as fuck. ¬†He is a supremely funny guy and funny is always needed on True Blood (because Stephen Moyer doesn’t always understand the word camp; also why do they let him direct he has a hard enough time acting), so¬†separating¬†him from the main cast just makes me sad even though you then made him build an anti vampire fence that required him to take off his shirt. But still Alcide and Eric¬†making¬†sarcastic remarks to each other is a pleasure and is so much more bearable then Anna Paquin’s terrible southern accent. ¬†Good job though on making him never wear a shirt and when he does he wears henleys–he and Olyphant need a henley-off STAT (do it funny or die, do it for the ladies and gay dudes everywhere).

Just a preview of my new reality competition show called the henley-off...bonus Ryan Kwanten...RAWR!!!

Just a preview of my new reality competition show called the henley-off…bonus Ryan Kwanten…RAWR!!!

Melissa: God, I hate to call Lea Michele talented because I want to punch her in the face, but Glee definitely wastes the most talent. I think that’s because there is too much of it on the show. I like the idea of having a huge cast of characters from pull from and check in with, but Glee feels overstuffed. The writers have no clear idea of how to write a show like this. All the characters feel like leads, or like they want to be leads, so it’s not comfortable to watch as an audience member.¬† I want all of the actors to go on and be in better shows. Hey, Heather Morris should join Bunheads as Michelle’s wacky rival in Ojai. HIRE US, PRODUCERS! We have ideas!!!

Worst network decision

Community-cast

Katie: I understand that Dan Harmon and Chevy Chase do not get a long.  I also understand that you pay Chevy Chase a shit-ton to be on Community but why not fire Pierce (seriously you are not getting the little ratings you get for Community because of Pierce) and keep the creator of the show NBC.  Community is one of those shows that I get very excited about because I have no clue what is going to go on from week to week.  The creativity of that show is astounding and Dan Harmon was the guy to make that happen to fire him was insane.

Melissa: Chevy Chase IS gone now, which is the PERFECT time to bring back Dan Harmon. I’m scared to watch the new season of Community. I know showrunners and producers come and go but Community was Dan Harmon. Also, Fox is fucking stupid for renewing X Factor, a show which does not work in America and we do not need. The UK one is good enough for me.

Worst storyline

Oh the infamous bollywood number on Smash...also see how longinly Winona is staring at Teddy and Teddy is a good dad he will provide for your unborn child Winona he loves raising other dudes kids!

Oh the infamous¬†Bollywood¬†number on Smash…also see how¬†longingly¬†Winona is staring at Teddy and Teddy is a good dad he will provide for her unborn child AND he loves raising other dudes kids!

Melissa: I am still 100% on board with Nashville– I love the music, the settings, Rayna, fake Jack White, the fake Civil Wars, Deacon, and even whatever is going on with slutbag Juliette Barnes. Where the show loses me is this story with Teddy running for mayor. Why is he ok with ruining the career of one of his wife’s best friends? What is up with this money he stole for an investment? I don’t really care too much, it happened before the show started and he paid the money back. And Kimberly Williams-Paisley? The show just got good with her husband’s attempted suicide but she didn’t sleep with Teddy, she just helped him steal the aforementioned money.

Katie: ¬†I want Teddy to run away with Winona from Justified (Fun fact: Natalie Zea, who plays Winona, was on Passions, Melissa’s favorite soap opera in college). ¬†Can that happen, how far is Nashville from Lexington, KY? ¬†I’m kind of done with¬†superfluous¬†love interests all over the place. ¬†Debra Messing’s family on Smash (they were ¬†NOT necessary at ALL), Teddy on Nashville just ways everything down and Winona on Justified could be lifted out of that show and then we could have more Boyd and Ava (seriously Timothy Olyphant is better screwing all of the blonds with big boobs in Kentucky then dealing with stupid Winona and her dainty nighties).

Show we used to love, then we loved it less, then we loathed it, then it offended us, and then we stopped watching…

Katie: ¬†Oh Glee, I’m not sure what happened last year. ¬†I know that Quinn lost the ability to walk but then she might be able to walk and then we became confused. ¬†Mr. Shue started to seem like a really offensive douche and sort of racist like the kind of guy that if you called a¬†racist¬†would say he isn’t racist cause he has three black friends. ¬†In fact a lot of the male characters began to seem weirdly douchey like Artie and Finn. ¬†I spent a lot of the time trying to figure things out with Melissa on IM which offended me the most cause I am SMARTER than Glee! ¬†AND THEN after giving Coach Beaste a love interest and having them get married you had him become abusive. WHY, why can’t Coach Beaste be happy!?!

Melissa: I will also add “and now you watch it sometimes and Sarah Jessica Parker was soooo cute in the ‘Let’s Have a Kiki’ number but generally it is still offensive, terrible, and all the new characters are reruns of old ones.”

Most disappointing new show

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Melissa: I deleted episodes of The Mindy Project off my DVR this week. It doesn’t make me laugh and the show is going through growing pains and changing its cast publicly, which has not been very fun to watch on TV. Contrast this with Ben & Kate, a show where you can tell all the actors adore each other and get along and have fun. Chemistry makes a difference and something is off with TMP.

Katie: ¬†I don’t even want to go back and read what I wrote about this show in our posts leading up to this season of TV. ¬†I was SO excited for The Mindy Project but man, I had to stop watching it. ¬†A lot of it makes me cringe, and not in a “Michael Scott just said something¬†inappropriately¬†hilarious” way but in an “oh stop talking stop talking right now” kind of way. ¬†I would however watch an¬†entire¬†show with the British dude and Chris Messina, the episode where they went to the DMV was great. ¬†In fact, just have a show about the British guy cause him with anyone is funny.

Worst show

The poster for season 1 of Smash should have been a harbinger of the bad that was to come.

The poster for season 1 of Smash should have been a harbinger of the bad that was to come.

Melissa: Is this anything other than Smash? I spent so long getting excited about the previews, but then once it starts I realize the following: they’re making the more talented ingenue into the villain; Katherine McPhee sucks; so many of the characters are completely unlikeable (they are attempting to fix this is season 2); and the most interesting characters (Anjelica Huston, the dancers) get the least screen time and the worst stories.

Kate: ¬†Dear Smash, you are the show with the most¬†straightforward¬†storyline yet you did nothing that made any¬†sense. ¬†I¬†apologize¬†for the rant I am about to go on. ¬†If Katherine McPhee wanted to be a Broadway star and had an agent, said agent would have told her to get in as many dance classes/acting workshops as possible for the NETWORKING ALONE. ¬†She would not be going on auditions without doing one or both of those things. ¬†If Jack Davenport was such a fantastic director he would see that not only does Katherine McPhee not look the part of Marilyn Monroe she can not fucking act. ¬†Which brings me to the main problem with Smash: its writing reflected a completely different reality than the one they were displaying on the screen, i.e. Katherine McPhee is not¬†Marilyn¬†Monroe however Megan Hilty is. ¬†If you wanted Katherine McPhee to be your star then you should have hired someone who was not perfect for the part as her rival. ¬†I have often wondered if they didn’t realize just how good Megan Hilty was and then tried to make her evil in a way for the¬†audience¬†to route for Katherine McPhee but in the end it just made me turn off the TV because I can’t buy Jack Davenport as a brilliant director if he thinks Katherine McPhee is better than Megan Hilty–it just makes me think he is an idiot and¬†apparently¬†so did every other person who turned the channel.

 

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