Smart ladies love dumb TV, Hemlock Grove recap, episodes 8-10

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Dr. Pinko on Johann.

Dr. Pinko on Johann.

Previously on Hemlock Grove, Shelley came home, Miranda and the boys had a threesome but then she stole the baby, Norman learned about Olivia, and we decided that Andreas is our favorite (good job Destiny)!

Unicorn

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  • We flashback to Olivia in the 19th century all we find out is that she has always been a giant pain in the ass AND that she has been in league with the Order for a very long time.
  • The boys try to dig a grave for the masked people they killed. [Peter stops to smoke, because OF COURSE. -M] Roman is conflicted that they are killing people now. He also tells Peter he is getting gene therapy from Johann. The boys end up dragging the bodies to the car because the ground was too cold to dig. They find one of the people a woman alive. Peter kills her when she tries to pass herself off as a Californian but says “pop” instead of “soda” which is a dead Western Pennsylvania give away (DAMN STRAIGHT IT IS). Roman is appalled until he realizes she detonated a grenade the boys are able to get out-of-the-way in time. [This was so funny, because as soon as she said pop, I was like, SHE’S NOT FROM CALIFORNIA. -M]
  • Poor Michael has to deal with the whore and her husband that Roman ate early in the season.
  • Shelley’s mind is uploaded to the computer. She and Johann are quite touching talking about how her broken body will die and her new body will thrive. [I know that this is somehow leading to two Shelleys and it’s freaking me out. -M]
  • Norman and the lady investigator (I forgot her name AGAIN) run a black light at Olivia’s house and see that Olivia killed Marie. Norman is very angry and shockingly NOT that sweaty. [I love that we learn that Olivia probably has a “cleaner” that takes care of this stuff. I want to meet this person, I hope it’s Harvey Keitel from Pulp Fiction. -M]
  • After the grenade goes off Michael shows up and starts to arrest the boys until he notices that the dead people have metals from the Order of the Dragon.
  • Olivia goes to the white tower to drink goo and falls. Johann gives Olivia a scan and notices a TUMOR.
  • The boys go back to Roman’s and find out Miranda stole the baby. The boys share another vision.
  • At a diner Miranda and Nadia run into Dr. Spivak he buys Miranda pancakes and coffee. He asks her who she is running from.
  • Norman goes and has a heart-to-heart with Roman about Olivia being a Upir AND him being his Roman’s father. Roman basically blows him off. Peter asks Roman if he is okay and then gets a call from Destiny who is none too pleased to have Miranda and Nadia in her apartment. [Of course not because she knows that baby is creepy. -M]

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  • Michael goes and confronts the Priest who works for the Order about the fringe groups of killers.
  • Shelley and Priscilla are now one mind in two bodies. I WANT TWO SHELLEYS! Priscilla tells Shelley that she doesn’t have to die –I am firmly on team two Shelleys.

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  • At Destiny’s the boys tell Miranda everything. Destiny realizes that the boys will not stop trying to take down the dudes with the white masks so she is willing to help them with magic. This time they have to drown her. [This is very Fringe-y and for that I am thankful. -M]
  • Olivia is dying.
  • The white mask whack-jobs got to the Priest and kill him with arrows. Michael finds the Priest alive but close to death. In hopes Michael will save him he tells Michael that Olivia killed Clementine instead Michael just kills him faster.
  • The Scooby Gang has to hold Destiny down in the bathtub, she has a vision of the nutjobs with white masks and how they are looking for a very specific child one who was born in the caul just like Nadia.

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  • Dr. Pinko tells Olivia that Priscilla’s body could heal her cancer.
  • The boys hang out in the baby bunker with a sleeping Nadia. I have visions of this show as a supernatural version of My Two Dads and it makes me super happy. Even though the boys work better as a team Peter goes to the warehouse of doom all alone because Roman is super tired and falls asleep while cuddling the baby. Peter is immediately caught by the nutjobs in white masks.

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  • NORMAN HAS A GUN!
  • Olivia goes to eat Priscilla and finds Shelley 2.0. I would have liked this episode better if it just ended with Norman and his gun.
  • After watching this episode, I realized that one of the plotlines from this season (Miranda sleeping with the two boys to bring them closer together) is very reminiscent of Y Tu Mama Tambien, a movie you should all see.  -M

Tintypes

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  • Peter is being held by the white masked goons and tortured/interrogated. [In my notes, I have that they’re “creepy Canadians.” I enjoy that this show has so many actors from our neighbor to the north on it. -M]
  • Roman is worried but he has to go through his last treatment. He tells Peter to not go after the bad guys –TOO LATE ROMAN!

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  • Miranda plays with Nadia and some blocks and that creepy baby spells her name in the blocks.
  • Olivia is upset with Johann for putting Shelley in Priscilla. Johann tells her to shut the fuck up. She runs into Roman and Dr. Pinko and I think tacitly gives Pinko the okay to kill Roman.
  • Norman pays the investigator to get her to go away so that he can kill Olivia. She corners him at Olivia’s and takes his gun –Norman had that gun for like a day.
  • Destiny pays a guy to help Peter from becoming a vargulf.
  • Johann angrily goes after Dr. Pinko who is trying to kill Roman.
  • Peter is still being tortured, this time by having mercury put in his wounds. The white masked dudes talk too much AKA are totally giving Peter time to plan an escape.

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  • The lady investigator goes and gives Norman’s gun to Michael in an effort to save him. Michael arrests her for breaking into Olivia’s house. Michael goes to Norman to plot Olivia’s death.
  • Peter uses his time to ponder turning over baby to turn his hands into paws to get out of the plastic binding. When his torturer comes in he kills him –don’t fuck with vargulf Peter. Peter tries to get in touch with Roman. He calls Destiny and tells her to go to Roman’s house.
  • Shelley and Johann have another sweet heart-to-heart. Shelley goes to say goodbye to Olivia and apologizes to Olivia for being a monster. Shelley is so much nicer than Olivia deserves.
  • Roman is about to undergo treatment or die by the hand of Dr. Pinko BUT his phone keeps ringing. He pulls out the tube while reaching for his phone. Once he gets Peter’s messages he goes pumps the super food goo into him using one of the tubes he pulled off. Dr. Pinko tries to kill him but instead he kills her by shoving her into the goo vat. She is found by Johann and a rejuvenated Olivia.
  • Back at Roman’s, Peter is confronted by the anti-vargulf dude. Peter lashes out at Destiny and realizes he needs help but it’s too late, they are then invaded by the white masked nutjobs. Peter is shot with two arrows. Destiny takes one out with a knife to the genital area but is almost taken by another dude when Peter changes into a wolf to save her. Roman eat a couple of dudes and kills one with his double-sided ax. Nadia kills the main guy with her mind –CREEPY BABY. [I am so sad that this beautiful house gets ruined. I hope Roman knows the number for Olivia’s cleaner! -M]
WHOSE A CREEPY BABY???

WHOSE A CREEPY BABY???

  • Peter can’t change into a human so Roman rips his head apart and pulls Peter out of the wolf form. [This is unnecessarily gross. -M]

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  • Michael shows Norman how he can kill Olivia or rather maim her so that they can set her on fire.
  • Back at Roman’s the place is a bloody mess but good news gang Peter wakes up!
  • Olivia goes to a sleeping Shelley and asks for forgiveness.

Demons and the Dogstar

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  • Roman and Peter load up a Godfrey truck with bodies –Johann will be so excited. Destiny and Miranda are cleaning up the blood while the nanny cries over the body of the dead butler. I LOVE how they are cleaning the house so often on these shows you don’t see the aftermath of a massacre. Miranda is really whiny and calls the boys monsters. She wants to go home but they convince her to stay because of Nadia. [“You’re not alone, Anna’s here.” Cue Anna crying on the floor next to the dead butler. HILARIOUS! -M] Destiny then drugs her with Vicodin in reality Miranda needs a Xanax. Destiny thanks Roman and tells him she was wrong about him. Everyone goes off to their special assignment, Peter to work, Destiny to buy more bleach, Roman to give Johann the bodies, AND Miranda goes up to check on the baby only to find she is now lactating blood –this show is fucking insane.
  • Norman goes to stab Olivia so he and Michael can set her on fire but stops when he realizes she has cancer. [He is so dumb if he thinks Olivia can’t cure her own cancer. -M]
  • Johann and Roman come to an agreement about the company in exchange for Johann disposing on Roman’s bodies.
  • Olivia tries to tell Norman she has changed. Norman instead tells her how horrible her cancer is and that he hates her.
  • Dr. Spivack is sketch-as-fuck. [I do love his cute assistant though. Sigh. -M]
  • Priscilla and Johann say goodbye to the original Shelley.
  • Destiny goes back to Roman’s and has a vision that they are all in danger.
  • Miranda and the baby are attacked by Dr. Spivack WHO has targeted Miranda since she sold her blood in Maine as a perfect vessel for some kind of drug to enhance Nadia’s creepiness.
  • Norman goes to the White Tower to talk to Shelley and learns from Johann about Shelley 2.0 AKA Priscilla. Norman gets indignant and makes a speech. Norman suddenly realizes that Olivia is about to eat Priscilla because he spurned her. OH DEAR SHELLEY 1.0 was almost dead. Norman and Johann RUN to save Shelley 1.0. Norman saves Shelley 1.0 but she is understandably distraught.
  • Priscilla finds Olivia waiting for her in her room. Johann finds Olivia eating Priscilla. She leaves telling him she is going after her granddaughter.
  • The creepy dude who Peter grifted shows up at the apartment and attacks both Peter and Destiny but is shot by ANDREAS. [I love him. I want an Andreas flashback episode! Why does he have that gun? Who is he REALLY? -M]

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  • Dr. Spivak and Olivia fight over the baby. Miranda is able to get the baby but is stopped by the nanny. It’s cool though because the baby kills the nanny with her MIND. [Poor Anna, she was never going to live. -M] Olivia subdues Dr. Spivak and his cheek is cut exposing weird scales it’s very reminiscent of the 80’s classic V.
  • Shelley mourns Priscilla. Roman is with her but gets a distraught call from Miranda about the baby he tells her to come to the White Tower. Destiny and Peter go to the White Tower too because of her vision.

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  • Johann gives Norman something to sedate Olivia.
  • Destiny and Peter have issues getting into the White Tower so Roman leaves Miranda and Nadia alone with a monkey, who Nadia kills. This completely freaks Miranda out. [The baby killed several people in front of her, including her nanny, but she is freaked out by a MONKEY? -M]

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  • The whole building goes on lock-down to find Miranda and the baby.
  • Norman tries to sedate Olivia but she pulls out his heart instead –this is the third time I have seen someone pull out a heart on TV (True BloodBeauty and the Beast and now Hemlock Grove). [This was my first time so I still was weirded out. -M]
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Surprisingly in death Norman is NOT that Sweaty more confused.

  • The boys realize that Miranda is taking the baby to the roof.
  • Miranda apologizes to Nadia and then tries to commit suicide. The gang try to stop her but she jumps off only to be caught by Dr. Spivak who is now a flying stingray with talons –this show is so fucking weird. Umm I’m hoping this show gets a third season if only to learn what Dr. Spivak is exactly. [I never thought this was Dr. Spivak until reading Katie’s recaps… it just never occurred to me. -M]
WTF????

WTF????

Here is the song that Olivia sings in the video at the end of the episode. I am so impressed with the quality of music this show has selected AND cleared. -M

 

Gifs from fckyeahromangodfreygraphicmixsikanapaneleromangodfreeygodfreygifsbattleofdesiresdaygabsmrgolightlydo-not-sit-next-to-dennis, and badbloody.

2 Comments

  1. Umm yes, this show is so weird and I fudging love it! I really hope they have a season 3 just so that they can explain all this shit from season 2. And I love your recaps and commentary ladies, keep it coming!

    • Hey Mercy,

      Netflix better renew for a 3rd season OR we will all be left so CONFUSED!

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting 🙂
      Katie

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